It's that time of year when I start thinking, ‘I’m never going out on that boat ever again.’ But sailing is what Tom loves to do. He’s just replaced the stern gland with a stuffing box (no, don’t ask me, I haven’t a clue) and generally fussing over her so, reluctantly, I decide to give her once last chance.
The launch gets off to an inauspicious start; we arise bright and early and go down to the estuary. The plan is that we will board the boat, still on its trailer, on dry land then The Pirate King and his Merry Crew, the folks who run the river here, will tow us, by JCB, deposit us in the middle of the channel and wait until we’re happy that the boat isn’t about to fill up with water again. But no, we arrive at the appointed hour to find that The Pirate King & Co. have arisen even brighter and earlier and dumped the boat in the river on a rising tide. Furthermore, the inflatable’s on board. Berludy great. Tom goes off to have words with The Pirate King whilst I wait on the shore gazing balefully at the boat. It starts to rain.
Just when I am feeling very pissed-off indeed, there is an engine roar and a JCB trundles over the horizon.
‘Get in,’ shouts Tom, pointing at the business end of the JCB. And so it is that after a bit of a struggle, we arrive at the boat, standing in the bucket of a JCB. Nice. My happiness levels lift a bit when we reach our mooring in one piece, although I am slightly miffed when I spoil my 100% record by failing to pick up the mooring buoy. By the time we’ve had a cup of tea and found the stash of chocolate and ginger biscuit, I concede that it’s not all bad; here we are in a loop of a beautiful, peaceful, estuary away from the madding crowd and prying eyes – how bad is that?
Back ashore we deflate the dinghy, Tom packs it up and I try to do helpful things with the tailgate whilst Tom shoves the dinghy bag and all its contents in the back of the car. Alas, we have a Laurel and Hardy moment, when Tom turns round suddenly and thwacks me across the face with the set of oars.
‘No marks!’ he announces. The pain suggests otherwise and, looking in the passenger mirror, I find two fat stripes either side of my left eye, reminiscent of David Bowie in his ‘Aladdin Sane’ period. Tom seems terribly hurt when his cheerful ‘Do we need anything at Tesco?’ receives a short, angry reply. Still, at least the boat is on the water and safe on her mooring. Back home, the weather forecaster tells us that heavy rain and strong gales will reach the west Wales coast this evening.
‘I think I’ll just make sure those mooring lines are ok,’says Tom.
Ah, sailing days are here again!
And finally...
Cardiff Half Marathon Training
Runner's World SmartCoach programme, Week 2 = 18 miles.
Weight loss = 1lb.
The image is 'The Sea', a print by Tom Tomos
Comments
Just been catching up here and having a good chuckle - great writing Chris.
But, seriously, I am filled with envy at your ownership of a boat - I just love them and have spent many happy holidays messing about on the water in all sorts of boats and barges.
good luck with the running
Helen
Straight From Hel
Fennie, glad to be of service... now about the running, you are not past it so get off the sofa. I'll even provide the Peach Loops.
Cait, thank you and thank you!
Rosie, well you can come up and mess about on this one any time you like (although I think you'll find the 'messing about' bit a little thin on the ground - it's more 'seat of your pants' stuff out here!).
Jude, yes, looking back is good... being there - not so hot!
Helen, yes, my gorgeosity is quite restored thank you, (although I now have a slighty hint of the Suzi Quatro since my hairdresser got a bit carried away yesterday - lord knows who I'll be channelling next). And, good thinking - keep away from boats!
Anyway, great post - very funny (if it's alright to laugh at you getting whacked upside the head!)
Hope your running is going better than mine!
Well done with the running and the weight loss. I've just finished a packet of cheesy wotsits, so can't say the same about my weight!
Do you say the same thing about boats over your way as we do here?....A hole in the ocean into which you pour money.
It is a harsh audience you have here, chortling away at your getting hit in the face! Ouch! Glad you are back to non Bowie style gorgeousness.
Debs, the trouble is I don't know what else to do when Tom's lugging a huge bag... but I won't stand so close next time! I won't demand a cheesy wotsit off you they smell too much like hot feet.
Pondside, I'm pleased to say I have no idea what a TR3 is but clearly you do - and it's in your garage! Yep, we say sailing's like standing in a shower tearing up £5 notes... except with the pig-boat it's more like £20 notes.
Mags, when does it go well? No, you're right, I do have a good time - about 1% of the time.
JJ, neither can I!
Elizabethm, well, like childbirth, it might be better for you! Thank you!
Pip, more sun, less wind - that'll do nicely!
Full marks for being brave and supportive.
(Thank you for your kind, kind comment on mine. Those frogs in the compost bag are still alive, you know - at least one is. And re: the regurgitated toad, I didn't ask. I kind of wanted to hang on to my breakfast.)
I have often wondered what pleasure people get out of sailing, it always seems such hard work? But it must be nice to have a boat and be out in the fresh air, and the rain, and the wind, and the gales .....
Jeanne
x
However, by the end of your boat/ship/watervessel tale, I thought, wow. Tom loves the sea and getting into that sea in a boat/ship whatever. Tom paints wonderful pictures that are inspired by the sea.
You, Chris, with or without your Bowie stripes, write wonderfully about wherever you might be.
You are always very much afloat (not the same as being a float!)
xo
CJ xx
BD, you have it in a nutshell - Tom loves the sea and loves sailing so I'm stuck with it really! (And I'm sure Pig Boat is every bit as bad as you imagine!). So glad the frog/s is/are ok!
Jeanne, I hope you are back on your own even keel. I guess I'll still be rocking about at sea. Gulp!
WW, we have lashings of rain at the moment... it wasn't me doing a rain dance, honest!
Frances, you are very kind indeed. Tom is happiest looking at the sea or being on the sea, or painting the sea - but I get to enjoy the paintings so I do get something out of it, I suppose!
Yes, Lampie, that is me, St Chris of the Cardigan Estuary. And rather you than me on a bike - good for you!
CJ, I did see stars for a moment, but Tom tends not to stop unless there something is hanging off. I think it was more of a shock, really!
So - boats, groan, green. No thanks. You are brave.
The new book - loved the bits you have published here, looking forward to it!
Think you'll need to post a pic of her!
CKx
Kate, you should see it - it's a big-bottomed thing which rests on short stumpy bilge plates... I will try to summon up some camera skills to prove it!
Milla, yes you are wise to avoid boats for all those reasons. As for the jolly life? Well, we've had some very unjolly bits between us so it's a case of making the most of the good bits.
Gaelikaa - there's worse to come... I shall have to go out on the pig boat soon - then I'll need a sense of humour!
Sheepish, hail fellow runner! I need the running to take my mind off the sailing!