Rollin' and Tumblin'


There was so much I was going to do once I’d sent off ‘Fighting The Tide’; books and poetry to read, films to watch, some aimless pottering. Well, I’ve been good at the pottering but I’m beginning to feel quite rudderless without the project that has taken up a good part of the last eighteen months so I’m going to take Zinnia’s advice and try some short story writing whilst I plan the next book.

In the meantime my half-marathon preparation has suffered due to the last lap of FTT, trips to the south and flu. I’ve kept up some cross training and some swimming, thanks to the small hotel nearby, and after my swim I like to bliss out in the Jacuzzi. Alas, last Friday, as Purple Cooers will know, my Jacuzzi experience wasn’t quite so relaxing.

It was all going fine until I tried to get out and lost my footing. Seeing the world go into slow motion and a several hard edges approaching I reached out, grabbed a rail and ended up swinging into said hard surfaces with surprising force. When Tom wandered back to find out what was taking me so long he was surprised to find me huddled in the Jacuzzi surrounded by concerned swimmers. Once we’d establish that nothing was as quite as broken as it felt I tried to get out for a second time only to be greeted by cries of alarm from onlookers which, I can tell you, is not a good feeling. Thinking that perhaps I’d ripped my cossie I didn’t know whether to be relieved, when I glanced down, that my backside was not on view or aghast that my thigh looked as if it had been pounded with a meat tenderiser.

My sister, having been told the news by Ma, and scenting another whiff of me enjoying myself Far Too Much, rang up to tell me what a fitting end to my decadent life it would be if I had managed to finish myself off in a Jacuzzi. Nearly six years younger than me, her suspicion that I am a professional hedonist stems from a lifetime of watching me do all the things she wasn’t allowed to do. Trail blazing, I’d call it. Taking the flak so that, years later, she could slip beneath the parental radar unnoticed. Fanning the flames just a little bit, I told her that my accident was caused by an excess of champagne and the slippery grasp of a tubful of fit and baby-oiled young men. She almost believed me.

The damage so far stands at a purple bruise covering the entire underside of my left arm (yep, the bingo wing that came free with my frozen shoulder), a thoroughly tenderised left thigh and the biggest, blackest bruise I have ever seen all over my hip! I did initially wonder if it was possible to die of a bruise, a suggestion Tom was quick to dismiss with a comment that it was obvious I’d never played rugby. I had rather hoped that he might have had a few clues about my absence of a rugby playing past before now.

Oblivious to his purple wife, Tom is now in boat mode. This means that two days after my fall I was standing at the bottom of a 30-foot ladder whilst Tom fiddled with the top of the mast. Fortunately he managed to fix the problem without adding to anyone’s tally of bruises. ‘Better that it happens now and not in the middle of the Irish Sea,’ he tells me happily. The Irish Sea? Yep, that’s where we’re heading in June. And I thought dry land was risky…

Painting is ‘The Quartering Sea’ by Tomo Tomos,

Comments

Inthemud said…
Oh poor you, nasty bruise. feel for you, losing your footing like that, very unpleasant.

Your feelings of not being able to get on with anything having finished the book are perfectly normal. Like when you've been studying for months for an exam then it's over and you just can't settle. Just go with the flow, let your body relax and as you say potter until you feel ready to focus again! Well donethough for getting book done and sent off.
Flowerpot said…
Oh Chris do take care. Sounds very painful! Get some arnica down you - that will help with the bruising.
Milla said…
excellent Chris, your bruise is our laugh.
Elizabethd said…
Lots of Arnica, lots of rest...if you can!
I hope you hear good news of the book as soon as possible.
Suffolkmum said…
Gosh, Milla's cruel isn't she?! I sympathise, having done something similar myself. You feel all teray and undignified, don't you, never mind the pain! Enjoy some downtime, you deserve it!
Lane said…
Ach you poor thing. I'm so glad you had your mishap somewhere glam though and not... say a public toilet.

Great painting as always!
Debs said…
Oooh that sounded so painful. I agree, lots of arnica. I'm always tripping up over nothing at all and usually giving everyone a hell of a laugh whilst I end up damaging myself in some way.

Hope you're able to have a bit of a relax and maybe read a good book or two.
HER ON THE HILL said…
My God, when you do it you do it good! Like all the others have said, make sure you keep taking the arnica. But if it's not losing its colour, you should p'raps just check you haven't got a haematoma (hope I've spelt that right). Not being alarmist, just thorough! Anyway, hope it's getting better.

Interested to hear about the sailing - I'm off in a week or two on a week long Day Skipper course. Meant to have done loads of swotting up but keep failing miserably. Will no doubt just end up as 'competent crew' with hubby at the helm. Same old story!
LittleBrownDog said…
Poor, poor you - well, at least there are worse colours to be than purple, I suppose, but seriously, I hope it's beginning to settle down and feel a bit less tender (otherwise, as her on the hill suggests, perhaps get it checked out by a doctor). And as lane points out - at least it was somewhere glamorous and you didn't rip your cossie. An idea for a short story, perhaps?

xx

LBD
never mind when the bruises turn green you could audition for the next Shrek movie .....she says exiting at speed>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Are you REALLY heading for Ireland .....exciting exciting...jealous as hell in Shropshire
elizabethm said…
You poor poor thing and (in another of those strange echoes of my life your blogs often seem to throw up for me) I had a very similar fall out of a wooden dinghy when we were sailing in Greece which left my leg black all down the thigh and purple to about mid calf. Because it was so hot I would have been wearing shorts but couldn't stand the pitying stares and had to spend much of the rest of the holiday hobbling round in a floaty (dark coloured) skirt.
Hope you are on the mend.
Pipany said…
Hope the bruise is beginning to wane now Chris. Why is it that when we are up to our eyes in work all we dream of is doing nothing and when the works stops we feel lost? Arggh!!! Still, at least you can pa yourself on the back that you did it xx
Helen Shearer said…
I know exactly how you feel. A while back I slipped on a friend's stairs and had a big, black bruise the entire length of my back and halfway down my leg. It was mildly uncomfortable for the first couple of days then on the third day the stiffness and the real pain set in. Take care of yourself.
Edward said…
A little late to the party, but a cracking good read. Love the idea of dying from a bruise. Good luck with your half marathon, by the way. I ran one in 28 degree heat last Sunday - NOT my idea of fun!
Sally's Chateau said…
I don't believe for one moment that your fall was not caused by some reckless behaviour. What a vivid imagination you have, overdosing on champagne and baby oiled fit young men. Really whatever next ? (snigger)
Oooooo you poor soul - bet the bruising was sore as well . . . and there was us all imagining you resting and two days later you are on the boat - even if it hadn't sailed.

Eeeeeeek the Irish Sea - I'm feeling queasy already.
Wisewebwoman said…
Oh poor you C, it sounds awful.
Reminds me of the time I tripped over a footstool and landed on my ta-tas. They are above average. The resultant condition started at black, veered into purple stripes and then an allover shrek green. I was offered money for polaroids but declined.
Green breasts. I shoulda.
XO
WWW
Wisewebwoman said…
Chris:
I also noticed we have commonality in our book choices!
XO
WWW
Himalayan Blue said…
What a pity the fall wasn't caused by too much champagne and the baby oiled young men, at least you would have enjoyed yourself before falling! Then on top of the brusing you have to sail the Irish sea ..... poor you!
CAMILLA said…
Hi Chris,

Oh poor you, so pleased it was not more serious, even so, hope the nasty bruising soon heals.

Eek.! sail on boats, I am always sick on boats, happy sailing when you do Chris.

Camilla.xx
wordtryst said…
Just popped by to let you know that author/literary agent/writing coach Orna Ross will be stopping by my blog today and will answer (on Monday) any questions left in the comment trail. You're welcome to drop in!
Expatmum said…
Ouch, but my god that was funny. Dying of a bruise - not something I'd ever thought about before, and now I'm sure that any time one of sons gets a really big one I'll worry unnecessarily.
Woozle1967 said…
The lengths some people go to! The uniform is purple - you DON'T have to be purple too! Seriously, though, hope you are on the mend and can don your cozzie confidently soon. Well done on getting the book off and good luck with the next and the next.......xx
Zinnia Cyclamen said…
Just catching up with you... hope you're enjoying the short story writing, and that the bruises are fading now.

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