The Ballad of BT Broadband

It was a Saturday morning
and in the mid May rain,
that BT Broadband left our house
and didn't return again.

At first we tried to shrug it off;
it happens all the time.
It comes back when the sun comes out,
or sheep roll off the line.

The junction boxes warmed and dried
but Broadband came there none.
'We'll have to ring BT!' you cried,
'Good luck,' I said. 'Have fun!'

We made new friends across the globe,
performed all kinds of tests,
until they said they'd send a man,
'Oh yes,' we cried, 'that's best.'

Flaxen-haired and pierced of lip,
he came with his computer,
'I fixed the outside line but now
there's trouble with your router.'

Our BT friends played hard to get
and made us sign new contracts,
'Please connect me soon,' I begged.
'Just get me back in contact!'

Five working days I waited,
my brand new hub was due.
The parcel company disagreed,
'We've never heard of you!'

At BT it was Groundhog Day,
'What seems to be the issue?'
I slowly lost the will to live
and sobbed into my tissue.

Kind stranger, should you pass this space,
and on my absence ponder,
my lines are down, my lights gone out
- I'm lost in the blue yonder!


Hurray! I'm back... for now! With grateful thanks to Donny at BT who heard me weep and wail and DID SOMETHING!!