The Ballad of BT Broadband

It was a Saturday morning
and in the mid May rain,
that BT Broadband left our house
and didn't return again.

At first we tried to shrug it off;
it happens all the time.
It comes back when the sun comes out,
or sheep roll off the line.

The junction boxes warmed and dried
but Broadband came there none.
'We'll have to ring BT!' you cried,
'Good luck,' I said. 'Have fun!'

We made new friends across the globe,
performed all kinds of tests,
until they said they'd send a man,
'Oh yes,' we cried, 'that's best.'

Flaxen-haired and pierced of lip,
he came with his computer,
'I fixed the outside line but now
there's trouble with your router.'

Our BT friends played hard to get
and made us sign new contracts,
'Please connect me soon,' I begged.
'Just get me back in contact!'

Five working days I waited,
my brand new hub was due.
The parcel company disagreed,
'We've never heard of you!'

At BT it was Groundhog Day,
'What seems to be the issue?'
I slowly lost the will to live
and sobbed into my tissue.

Kind stranger, should you pass this space,
and on my absence ponder,
my lines are down, my lights gone out
- I'm lost in the blue yonder!

Hurray! I'm back... for now! With grateful thanks to Donny at BT who heard me weep and wail and DID SOMETHING!!


LittleBrownDog said…
Welcome back to the land of the blogging, Chris. An inspired piece of poetry! (Particularly liked the penultimate stanza with issue and tissue.) Know just how you feel - our broadband goes on and off with the weather, and you can rarely get through to anywhere closer than Bangalore on the phone, however your persistence eventually paid off with a holy grail in the shape of Donny.

PS. If it happens again, I have the number of BT's Chairman's office. But don't tell anyone else...
Calistro said…
Great poem! And well done for not littering it with swear words (which is what I would have done in those circumstances! ;o))
Elizabethd said…
There is nothing more frustrating than trying to fix a computer. So glad you are back.
Sally's Chateau said…
What a completely and utterly brilliant little ditty and told in a true ladylike manner. I had the same thing happen last week ....
KAREN said…
That's so funny. Your poem, not the experience, which I can relate to all too well sadly. BT are very naughty.
Debs said…
Hurrah for Donny. How frustrating having to wait so long though, I would have gone mad.

Love the poem, how clever.
elizabethm said…
How good to have you back and what a fine poem too. I was also struck by the elegance of issue and tissue!
Our broadband disappeared by only for a night and we were surprised to find that BT seemed amazingly on the ball. Just luck I guess.
Preseli Mags said…
What a lovely elegant poem about such a frustrating inconvenience! If anyone is ever looking for a BT repair man they are usually to be found on the road between my house and the village. I'm not sure what the attraction is here, but it's very popular with BT! The record is three vans and four men (one up the pole) at the bottom of my drive for two days. There was nothing wrong with my phone. Hmmm. Glad to see you back Chris!
lampworkbeader said…
So glad we are to have you back
No longer are you sobbing
All thanks to Don, the BT chap
Our Chrish is back to blogging
Lane said…
A mighty pome Chris and hallalujah for Donny!

Just catching up. Your chocolate tumour made me really laugh!

Glad you're back:-)
Faith said…
Its awful when the pooter is no longer there isnt it - great rhyme!
Hi Chris,

Great to see you back, my daughter has had problem with her BT Broadband connection too.

Great Rhyme by the way, pleased that you are connected again Chris.

Cowgirl said…
Fab ditty! And they do say better out than in! We had a note in our box to say that Telecom will be working on our lines to upgrade them and in the future we may have outages. Nice of them to say when and how long....not!
Edward said…
Hoorah for you!
Hoorah for Broadband!
Good to have you back.
And as for all
The sheep on-line
Surralan! Give them the sack!
Flowerpot said…
well done Chris for getting something done. how incredibly frustrating! and i love the poem...

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